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What was your journey in realizing that you and your life mattered?
I really struggled from when I was 12 years old until the middle of college. I was overwhelmed by all the things happening around me. At any age, it’s hard to make sense of it all. That was a low point in my life that I work really hard not to go back to.
But it’s a process.
I’ve attended therapy since I was a teenager, so self-care has always been important to me. Going for the root of problems helps me as well. Instead of telling myself what to do, I look for why I’m lagging in this area.
Did you grow up in a free-spirited home or did you adopt it as an adult?
I grew up in pretty free-spirited home. My father is Jewish and from the Boston area, while my mom is black and from a Jehovah’s Witness family in Arkansas. Them even getting together in the late 80’s shows that they were already pretty free.
I wasn’t without rules though. I still got grounded. I couldn’t just go to parties, drink and do drugs. I still had the same standard rules that most kids have.
My parents were very politically open minded. They never pressured me into a career. They let me know the benefits of a more conventional lifestyle, but whether I wanted to live one was always my choice. They treated religion the same way.
What is your advice to girls of color who are learning to allow themselves space in the world?
I wrote on my website, “To me, to be a woman of color and artist takes a certain amount of audacity…” When it comes to fair treatment we’re doing so poorly for certain types of people. All people will matter when we don’t have so many people receiving such extreme adversity for being who they are.
My advice is just to take up space. Keep doing your work, don’t stop fighting. Let your heart do what it needs to feel good. Take care of yourself. Go to the dentist, keep up with your check-ups.
Maya Angelou said, “I am the hope and dream of the slave.” If this is true then I’m not just sitting in my struggle and staying, there. I’m creating a balance in my life. In this I understand that the struggle and fight for civil liberties is important and a top priority, but if I’m not fed I can’t do that. As much as I try to fight against our Capitalist society, I love new clothes. For me it’s all about the choices we make and how we relate them to our surroundings.
How Do You practice Self-Care?
A few months ago, I challenged myself to take a bath. I’d been avoiding it because my bathroom is in a small old New York apartment. It’s far from the nice ones you see in the magazines. Last night I finally did it and I’m proud of myself. But the whole time I was distracted by my surroundings. I don’t like how my bathroom looks and sitting in the tub for hours was fun-ish, but I decided then that baths just weren’t for me. It’s much more relaxing for me to simply lay in my bed.
I try not to fall into the consumerism aspect of self-care. I more so focus on the day-to-day. Such as eating three meals a day, focusing more on my finances, keeping my space clean and organized, continuing to attend therapy, and visiting the dermatologist once a month. I don’t need candles incents and baths. I’d much rather balance my budget.
While growing into yourself, did you face an identity crisis?
I remember the first time I realized that being black was a category. It’s like people see you and say, “Oh, you’re black so you belong over here.”
I had a conversation with a bus driver, who was Black, and I told him that I was Black and half Jewish. He said, “So, do you consider yourself Black?” And I’d never really thought about it like that. Since then it’s been like an evolution trying to figure out where I fit in. We like to be around people that reflect us. Growing up in a house where my parents aren’t the same race/culture/religion, it’s hard to find people I relate with.
I love to be in spaces with Queer POC, people with varying ethnicities, ages, education levels and interests. I love to see how these people reflect me. My identity is interchanging so I’m almost in a constant stage of crisis. As time goes on it gets better.