PLEASE WATCH:
How Do You Practice Self-Care?
I have a beer every now and then.
How Do You Handle Intersectionality?
It’s really about balance. I generally try to avoid being in places that only cater to one of my identities. For example, as a Queer Black Muslim Woman I avoid going into strictly Muslim/Black spaces. I make it necessary to know the people who cater to intersectionalism within my communities so those are the events I attend.
How Do You Find Safe Spaces to Be All of Who You Are?
I create them. At UNC-Wilmington there wasn’t a Muslim Student Association, so I created it.
I know that there are a lot of women who don’t have the capacity to create safe spaces. Whether their resources are very limited between not having the money or the time. If I can do it and it benefits myself and other women, then I will.
Where do Find the Vulnerability to Always Be Who You Are?
I don’t know, I believe it comes from my mom. It comes and goes, especially after the horrific attacks I’d suffered in Wilmington. I just wanted to be safe, so I put down the activism and just tried to be a student. The strength comes from being conscious of limitations. Knowing when it’s time to stop, take a step back and even vacation if needed. In a way, it’s providing self-care.
How Do You Mentally Wind Down/Escape When Physicality Isn’t an Option?
I don’t know. I try to plug in my headphones and listen to my Jazz, and 70s/90s R&B. When you listen to Aretha, Erykah Badu and Solange sing you can tell they know how you’re feeling.
They may not experience every level of intersectionalism but as Black women they understand our day to day. Listening to Syd tha Kyd who is a queer black woman is a great place to escape.
Music helps but listening to artists who you most relate to helps most. Such as Sam Smith, a lot of Black women can relate to him though he’s a white gay man. Listening to music as a Muslim Black Queer woman from someone who understands my being based on how it’s felt is my escape.
What are Your Rules for Dating?
Oh God, so much! I’ve been single forever because my standards are unbelievably high. My Queerness comes before everything. They would have to be very aware of it. LGBT discourse as of current is a really unstable place. It’s in a place where if you don’t get it, the automatic reaction is anger because automatically they assume you’re homophobic. I’m often in places filled with Queer people who are radical and they are very protective of who enters their space. To be with me in these places you can’t just say ignorant s***. Being conscious of the people I’m around and how to hold yourself within them is very important. I’m not easily offended but others are. Also, don’t be racist. At UNC-Wilmington that was apparently too high of a standard. My roommate said my standards were too high though I only had two. They were 1) Don’t Be Racist 2) Be A Woman
Have You Had A Situation Where Someone Tried To Tokenize You? Do you Mind Describing them?
All the time! Yes! Why would you ask that? You know I went to UNC-Wilmington!
I’m Sorry I wanted the answer for my project!
I was a 17 yr. old freshmen at UNC-Wilmington and thrown into the position of reaching out to everyone from the communities I self-identified. The first event I threw at UNC-Wilmington was the visual for the 2015 Chapel Hill Shooting that involved 3 Muslim’s being shot dead in their home. Let me tell you how that was some f*** s***. Basically, a bunch of white people invited me to a room. Let me remind you that this is my first month at UNC-Wilmington.
I was very emotional about it and had been asking staff if there was going to be anything done. This happened in Raleigh and I was familiar with the family, this wasn’t easy for me. I got invited to a room with Dr. Segovia, the director of the Centro Hispano Centre, the Chancellor at the time who was the interim chancellor whose name escapes me and a couple of other people who were all white. Others were there such as Kimberly McLaughlin-Smith from the Diversity Office.
There’s myself, two other women of color only one of whom that was actually supportive. They sit me down and place the responsibility of organizing the visual on my own. I openly admitted to only being 17 and ignorant of how to complete such a task. They then threw in the fact of my pursuing the Muslim Student Association as a liability. I was clearly facing difficulties trying to start up the MSA, so I clearly couldn’t handle that, the visual and my class load. I also wasn’t ready to reveal my status as a Queer Muslim. Without my consent, they gave my identity to the media who in turn questioned me relentlessly on the subject.
Things that as a white institution, dealing with a black minor, I expected there to be more consciousness surrounding the situation. Most of the things I organized I was forced into doing so. I wanted to do things such as 2nd chance prom for Pride which was pushed aside in favor place of Divas Live. Though I love Divas Live, new initiatives should’ve been placed in front of past traditions. UNCW sucks.
We don’t get treated as people. They throw us to the wind and say, “you’ll be alright”. Then when we come out fine they get mad.
I know! It’s like this weird dehumanization that happens where you’re no longer a person. You’re either an object for diversity or a problem.
How Did It Feel When You Finally Escaped UNCW?
Can I be honest?
Of Course.
I was terrified! It was my first time not being a black face in a white space. When you spend two years being heavily tokenized, you don’t know how to not be the token. When you enter black/black queer spaces you realize that there’s a certain vernacular that you no longer have. There are certain experiences/comradery/sense of family that you don’t know because you spent your life living amongst Caucasians. I was scared. I came into these amazing black queer parties where their club meetings were literal Vogue parties. They’d just stand around and have a good time. We didn’t do that s*** at Pride!
I didn’t know how to navigate these spaces and it made me feel so bad because I felt that I should. I didn’t know if I would succeed not being the token. I thought, “Would I be able to thrive without white people walking behind me making sure they controlled every step I took?” Once you get into that slave mindset, it’s hard to escape. Once you buy your freedom where do you go from there?
What Differences Have You Noticed between the People of Color in a predominantly white space and a predominately black space?
Yes! It’s definitely a mind control thing. I used to joke in Wilmington saying that there was something in the water. There are two types of black people in Wilmington 1) The Radical, whom I love and was proud to be. But they don’t last long. I’ll see a new black person come in who’s strong with a heavy heart and the coolest person. Though in my head I know that they only have 2 years before their mental breakdown. It’s going to be public. Everyone will see it. You will either have a completely public mental break down or you’ll accept that you’re a 2) Token, where you’ll fall in line. Support from the black community at UNCW was nearly nonexistent. Uncle Tom’s and coons were everywhere
You can only stay radical for so long before the collapse in your brain happens. Whether it comes from someone traumatizing you or the wear and tear that attacks your psyche when you’re forced to live in a white space for a prolonged amount of time. Either the radical will become a token or just dissipate on their own.
At UNC-Charlotte they are so radical I feel like a liberal feminist. We were speaking of black wall street, and a woman said, “Black Capitalism is still capitalism.” I’d never thought of that. The need for a black wall street is still oppressive in nature. The way they think, you can tell how much the opportunity of being a black woman, surrounded by other black women without the interference of white bodies has taken their psyche to another level. They’re operating at a higher frequency than all of us. I’m now unconsciously blundering; I now understand how white people feel around me. Though if white people felt the same way as I do around these women then, they were lucky as hell